Wish you were here


Back again. I didn't stay away quite as long as the last time. I am doing better. My moods are still up and down and up and down. Like a roller coaster. But I do realize I have been through alot in the last year. I am taking my prozac again. That has helped with things. Hopefully it will only get better.

Next weekend is my niece's big wedding. So I have been shopping for clothes. I found something. I only spent $100. Damn. I didn't want to. But I was tired of looking and I know I need something new. So it's done. And hopefully I won't change my mind about wearing it 10 minutes before I need to be at the church. Typical me. It's just that I am so dissatisfied with myself lately.

I have been reading alot. It is so relaxing. I have read "A Year of Pleasures" by Elizabeth Berg, "Table for Five" by Susan Wiggs, "True Believer" by Nicholas Sparks, "Stone Heart" by Luanne Rice, and now I am almost finished with "Pawley's Island - Low Country Tales" By Dorothea Benton Frank. Those I have read just in the month of May. Which is good for me.

The weather. Now there is a subject. Yesterday we had clouds and rain all day. Today we have wind and Bright Sunshine. It is a beautiful day here. I was out most of the morning. All the windows in the house are open and the Cats are loving it. It should be nice sleeping tonight.

26 days until vacation. I hear the beach calling my name. I am so excited. All the plans have been finalized. Now we just have to get on the plane. It has been in the 80's in Florida. I am so outta here.

Ok now I am really outta here. Going to get dinner. I will be back to write again real soon.

  • Current Mood
    tired tired
Wish you were here

Long Time ... No Write ....

I know it's been a long time since I was here to post. Life has been dragging me along. Just dealing with it has been hard for months now. I think I am getting back on track. After all the medical stuff and then losing my father right before Thanksgiving. I had no desire to do much of anything. I was forcing myself to go through the motions. Now I am back on prozac, back to sleeping better, back to trying to enjoy life. It feels like a new and different life these days. I think that is good.

Lots of plans for the up coming months. A trip back to Florida in June. I can't wait. I need the beach. Going with a girlfriend. Hoping for a WILD and Exciting time. Anyone live near Clearwater Beach Florida? Love to have a local guide. =)

My niece's wedding is Memorial Day weekend. I am looking forward to that. Although I know it will be very emotional with both mom and dad now gone. But it should be fun.

Still doing alot of reading when I have time. There never seem to be enough hours to do all the reading I really want to do. I have several books on the reserve list at the library. I definitely can't buy all I want to read. Although I am still picking up alot of books at the consignment shops and discount book stores. The library is becoming my second home. =)

The major major change in my life is the Phone Sex thing. Since my father's passing I have not been able to go back to taking calls on a regular basis. It just does not feel right. I have tried a couple times to get back into it. But I can never stay with it for more than a few hours. I think it might be a thing of the past for me. At least that is what I am feeling right now. =( I made alot of money doing it. That will make a big difference for me. Time will tell where I go from here.

I am home from work today. Taking a mental health day. It's cold and dreary and I just feel really bad today. A headache and upset stomach.I am going to stop here and take a short nap. I will come back and write again soon.

  • Current Music
    TV: The View
Wish you were here


I was definitely channel surfing tonight. I started watching the CMA show. I wanted to see " American Idol ". So I was flipping back and forth. And then Bachelor " After the Rose " was on. I gave up on trying to flip between 3 shows. And just stuck with Idol and the CMA's. Fantasia won. WooooooHooooooo !!!! I really thought it was a very close competition. Both girls were excellent. I am sure Diana will go far as well. Just like Clay Aiken. Or I certainly hope so. She has an amazing voice as well. I would love to hear anyone else's thoughts on the winning choice.

Now the CMA show. I love the song Tim McGraw sang tonight. Right now sexy man Keith Urban is singing. Damn he is so sexy. I got to see him in concert with Kenny Chesney a few months ago. One Word...> WOW <
I have missed alot of the awards because I was flipping channels. I know Alan Jackson has won a few, and Toby Keith. And I saw Martina McBride win Female Vocalist of the year. And Brooks and Dunn win Duo. And then the award given to Willie. That man has to be getting OLD.

My back is feeling a bit better today. I can get up and down without too much pain. Just a bad ache now. If I sit too long it's more painful getting up. Maybe if I ice it again tonight it will be better yet tomorrow.

Back to CMA Show .................
Oh MY GOD ... What was that.. " BIG and RICH ". They Suck.
I think that song they sang was pretty tacky. " Rascal Flats " Group of the year. Good Choice. They have had a good year. I wonder who will be entertainer of the year.

I am anxious for the long weekend. No work on Monday. I need a long weekend. I am pretty broke and with the price of Gas I won't be doing too much but sticking close to home. I would like to see a movie. There are a few new ones coming out on Thursday. Two I want to see for sure. " Day After Tomorrow " and " Raising Helen ". Maybe I can see at least one.

I am still reading a little bit each night. I hope I am back in the groove. I have so many books around here. I would really have no need to go to the library for a long time. It's just I like to go and get the newest books or read the magazines so I don't have to buy them. Or the newspapers.

I am going to stop here. I want to get ready for bed so I can read before falling alseep.

I want to say thanks to everyone that has commented and taken the time to even email me with your kind thoughts and wishes. It is greatly appreciated.

I am outta here

- Browneyes
  • Current Music
    TV : CMA Show

Tuesday Night

I was just sitting here watching "American Idol". It's down to the last two. Both of the girls have great voices. It's been a strange competition this time. Some of the really good ones didn't even make it to the final 5. It seems this time it's been a " Girls " competition. There have been alot of really good female singers. Both of the girls left are real winners. =)
The final performances were amazing. I can't wait to see the show tomorrow.

I woke up with terrible pain in my back this morning. Not sure why. It's still hurting. I had a dr. appointment this morning. Everything is going as planned so far. The dr. gave me a new script. I went to get it filled. Found out the insurance company won't cover it. And then I asked how much it was. $175 for 7 pills. DAMN !$*? No wonder. I am not sure what I am going to do. I can't afford that right now. I have to talk to my dr. about it tomorrow. My perscriptions right now are over $300 a month and that's with a copay of $5 - $15 each. I am just getting by the way it is. If it comes down to not being able to work I don't know what I will do. I can't think about that now. I have to stay positive. Now will someone please take away the pain in my back.

I started reading on Sunday night. And believe it or not I am still reading the same book. It has my attention. First time in a long time. Hopefully I can complete it. It's " Heart of the Night " by Barbara Delinsky. I have read alot of her books. I would categorize it as comtemporary romance. This story has a bit of a mystery to it. That makes it better. I checked it out from the library. I also got " Three to get Deadly " by Janet Evanovich. Her books are good too. Hopefully I am getting back into the habit. Reading really relaxes me. I am always welcome to recommendations. Email me or respond here.

I bought the new Lonestar CD today. I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet. I will probably play it before I go to bed. I probably shouldn't have splurged and bought it. But CD's are always cheaper if you buy them the first week they come out. That is how I justify buying it. =) I saved money. I can't live without music and books. Don't ever take either away from me. PLEASE.

We had a beautiful day today. SUNSHINE for the first time in 4 days. It was nice. It only got up in the mid 70's. It was perfect. I sat outside for awhile after work. Soaking up the sun and fresh air.

I am going to stop now. I want to read for awhile.


- Browneyes
  • Current Music
    TV : American Idol
bloody Rose

Monday Night

I was just sitting here watching the TV show "The Swan". I wish I could be on that show. I want an extreme makeover. I want a new body. It's not realistic so I won't even continue talking about it.

Waiting for CSI Miami to come on. Not sure if I can stay awake that long. I had trouble sleeping last night so I am really tired tonight but I have a nagging headache I can't seem to get rid of. If I take any more meds for it I will be knocked out.

There is a chance for severe weather again tonight. I can hear thunder now. And I think it is raining lightly. We have been lucky so far that we have not been hit with tornados or flash flooding. Alot of other areas in Iowa have. I usually sleep good when it rains. Its the strong wind or alot of thunder that bothers me.

My cats go crazy when it storms too. My littlest one runs around making strange sounds. The others go from window to window. I need to take some pics of my babies and post them. I have 4 cats and they are all different. 2 males and 2 females. One of them got out last week and was gone for 3 days. The oldest one " Sammi " a female ( she is fixed ). I really thought she was gone for good. And then she showed up crying under my bedroom window last Thursday night. I was so happy. They are like my children. I love them all so much.

I have a dr. appointment tomorrow. Check up on my blood count and how the medicine is working. Hopefully it's helping so I can continue treatment. I don't want to skip any treatments. I want to get all this over with - put it behind me. I have had some side affects from the medicine. The worst being the achiness all over my body and the constant nausea. But I am working through it. Using meditation, exercise, group meetings, and journaling. I have some very loving and supportive friends that help me alot. That being said. I want to say Thank you to all of you that have taken the time to leave me comments and well wishes. And send me email. It means alot. Thank you thank you thank you.

I am going to stop for now. Finish getting ready for bed and curl up in bed with the channel set for CSI Miami.

I am outta here.

- Browneyes
  • Current Music
    TV : The Swan
pain behind eyes

Sunday ... It's Been Months

I know it has been awhile. I have been busy and I have not been in the mood to write. It's May already. Where did the months go. Time flies. In my case I am not having all that much fun. Wish I could say I was. Life is just going on right now. I am dealing with alot. Chemo and radiation and all the damn drugs just to get me through each day. I know I should be thankful I am even still here. And I am. But I am having a pity day today. So forgive me.

I rented a few movies this weekend. " Miracle " with Kurt Russell (good movie) "Uptown Girls" (good) " Calendar Girls" (so so) and "Haunted Mansion" (ok). Everything but "Miracle" came from netflix. I really like the service. It's very affordable.

I am still working. Having good days and bad days. More good lately. So that is good. I am signed up for FMLA now so I have been paid for anytime I have had to take off. But when my vaction time and sick time runs out then I will have to be off at least a week at a time to paid. So that will suck. I am hoping I can stick it out until July when I have my normal leave time. I have until July 10th to get through. I only have a few bad days a week and I am really learning to deal with those. Napping during breaks and not putting in any extra time unless I absolutely have too. Getting more sleep than I used and watching what I eat. Even getting out and exercising on the good days. It helps alot.

I haven't been doing anything exciting. The last thing I can think of was going to the Kenny Chesney Concert. I have seen a few movies at the theater with my girlfriends. Had several lunches with them also. Not anything truly exciting. My girlfriends daughter gets married next month and we have a shower planned and the wedding so that will be exciting. And then I am planning a vacation in July if I am feeling up to it. And can come up with the funds for it. Florida Beach... I have been dying to go there again. Just 5 days but hey 5 days of beach living is a wonderful treat. I love the ocean so it will be so wonderful.

I haven't even read much. I usually keep a list of books I read each year. Nothing on the list right now. I have started so many and never finished. I am not sure why. I truly love to read. But concentration is really hard right now. I can read a bit at a time but I am not getting anything finished. IF anyone has any suggestions feel free to mention them. I read alot of different things.

Ok I have written alot. I better try to get something accomplished around here. I am going to try to start writing on a regular basis again. We shall see how long that committment lasts. I am outta here.

- Browneyes
  • Current Music
    just the tv - nothing special